Match Report
Birkbeck 2 - 2 ITV2
Wednesday 25 April 2012, 1-2pm
Going into the second of two matches inside a week, Birkbeck were buoyed by the return of stalwarts Ackah and Schmidt, who were added to the squad, and the knowledge that this was a lesser ITV side than the one they'd faced most recently. However, preparations were disturbed by the alarming news that manager Parrott was unable to attend the match, and would be absent for the first time since the team's inception.
Throup was hastily installed as caretaker manager, and at the press conference he revealed the team would be changing their tactics. It had been a team effort, with Kirkland coming up with the idea, Jennings embellishing it with a series of confusing diagrams and talk of defensive/attacking ratios, and the caretaker boss typing out the list of names and arranging them into a formation at random.
Sadly, the many hours of preparation spent posing in front of the mirror wearing a confused expression and a suit while holding a clipboard and Steve McClaren's golf umbrella were to be wasted, as Parrott revealed his meeting had been cancelled and he would be returning to lead the team after all.
With his stirring words ringing in their ears, the team produced a much-improved performance.
The new formation proved to be a masterstroke, with newcomers Clarke and Mitchell fitting in well in midfield ("Your first appearance is for acclimatisation, the second is for performance!" the manager might have shouted, but thankfully didn't). However, despite restricting their opponents to one shot in the first half, it unfortunately proved to be the only one from either side that found the net.
The half-time team-talk was necessarily brief, as it had just started hailing. In essence, though, it amounted to little more than, "We can have these." And sure enough, so it proved, with Kirkland smashing home Clarke's pass to bring Birkbeck level, before Walters, in his first match up front having played out of position for the past four seasons (with distinction, it must be said), tapped home a poacher's goal following a fumble by the 'keeper.
Despite continuing to look dangerous going forward, Birkbeck were denied victory when an ITV2 attacker claimed, and won, a penalty from Schmidt, which was subsequently dispatched. The absence of any protest indicated it was probably the right decision, although the skipper was later to be found muttering darkly about a "clever fall".
Birkbeck remain up against it, but if they can play as well as this again, and secure victories, in their final matches, survival is a very real possibility.
Wednesday, 2 May 2012
Birkbeck 1 - 6 ITV4
Match Report
Birkbeck 1 - 6 ITV4
Thursday 19 April 2012, 1-2pm
Despite an urgent need for points, Birkbeck's prospects of raising a side, never mind getting a result, were looking bleak heading into this match. Thankfully, the addition of Tanner (free agent), Mitchell (partner club) and Clarke (emergency loan) to the squad at the last minute saved manager Parrott the embarrassment of fielding less than eight players, or relying on the potentially negligible contributions of Schmidt (injured) and Throup (can't play football). The hastiness with which the side was assembled was emphasised when, following a stirring team-talk from the manager about tactics, motivation and glory, the main follow-up queries pertained to the league's rules on tackling and backpasses.
Although Birkbeck's lowly position in the table renders pretty much any opposition statistically superior, ITV4 nevertheless seemed like a fairly handy side, moving the ball around with confidence, rolling equally-talented players on and off the pitch, and generally taking advantage of the inexperienced Birkbeck side.
Despite some encouraging signs, the team were 4-0 down at the break, and to make matters worse, the second half was conducted in possibly the worst weather since records began. (And by records, I do of course mean this blog - so, er, 2007 or so). That the team kept going despite terrible conditions, and in pursuit of a fairly hopeless cause, is to their considerable credit.
ITV4 were kept at bay until the rain subsided slightly, at which point they managed to work themselves a couple more goals and send the scoreline into potentially-embarrassing territory. Fortunately, though, consolation came in the form of a Birkbeck goal, finished neatly and emphatically by the deserving Walters, following an incisive through ball from Billy Scott.
Hardly the result Birkbeck were hoping for, then, but it was not due to lack of effort, and as ever, thanks to all who played, particularly those who helped us field a side at short notice.
Birkbeck 1 - 6 ITV4
Thursday 19 April 2012, 1-2pm
Despite an urgent need for points, Birkbeck's prospects of raising a side, never mind getting a result, were looking bleak heading into this match. Thankfully, the addition of Tanner (free agent), Mitchell (partner club) and Clarke (emergency loan) to the squad at the last minute saved manager Parrott the embarrassment of fielding less than eight players, or relying on the potentially negligible contributions of Schmidt (injured) and Throup (can't play football). The hastiness with which the side was assembled was emphasised when, following a stirring team-talk from the manager about tactics, motivation and glory, the main follow-up queries pertained to the league's rules on tackling and backpasses.
Although Birkbeck's lowly position in the table renders pretty much any opposition statistically superior, ITV4 nevertheless seemed like a fairly handy side, moving the ball around with confidence, rolling equally-talented players on and off the pitch, and generally taking advantage of the inexperienced Birkbeck side.
Despite some encouraging signs, the team were 4-0 down at the break, and to make matters worse, the second half was conducted in possibly the worst weather since records began. (And by records, I do of course mean this blog - so, er, 2007 or so). That the team kept going despite terrible conditions, and in pursuit of a fairly hopeless cause, is to their considerable credit.
ITV4 were kept at bay until the rain subsided slightly, at which point they managed to work themselves a couple more goals and send the scoreline into potentially-embarrassing territory. Fortunately, though, consolation came in the form of a Birkbeck goal, finished neatly and emphatically by the deserving Walters, following an incisive through ball from Billy Scott.
Hardly the result Birkbeck were hoping for, then, but it was not due to lack of effort, and as ever, thanks to all who played, particularly those who helped us field a side at short notice.
Tuesday, 20 March 2012
Birkbeck 0 - 3 UKSport
Match Report
Birkbeck 0 – 3 UKSport
Thursday 1 March 2012, 1-2pm
Another game and another dreadful start for Birkbeck, with this correspondent once again arriving too late to note the pertinent details of the game’s opening goal. (For the sake of consistency, I’ve also forgotten how the other goals were scored, and anything else that might also have happened in the match). It wasn’t always like this, of course, but the days of me arriving an hour early and delivering excitable pre-match hyperbole to a non-existent camera are now a thing of the past, following several complaints from other teams, parents, children and passers-by.
Anyway, one-nil down after mere minutes, Birkbeck sought to turn the match, and their season, around. But, as you’ll see from the score, they didn’t. In many ways the performance was characteristic of the season so far, in that the team held their own, passed the ball around nicely and generally played quite well but failed to do enough to grind out a positive result.
The score remained at 1-0 for much of the match, with the final goals coming after Birkbeck suffered a double-injury setback - Rich Tacon turned over an ankle and Garmon ap Garth’s face was on the receiving end of a full-blooded clearance. (They wanted to say that they were injured doing something heroic, like saving puppies, or children, but honestly, can it really by said that those things are as honourable as showing commitment to Birkbeck FC out on the pitch? It’s a rhetorical question, but the answer is no).
The match was also notable for the promising debut of new signing Chris Murphy, as well as another chap pressed into service as a substitute whose name I didn’t catch or haven’t bothered to remember, perhaps because he was only down from Sheffield for the day and said he was unlikely to be available for future fixtures. He was quite good at footy though. And also, well played everyone else, you tried your best (certainly much harder than I’ve tried with this report) and good wishes for a speedy recovery to our injured colleagues.
So, with five matches left, it’s safe to say Birkbeck need a win. Followed by two more wins. And maybe another after that. And a draw, perhaps, to be safe.
Birkbeck 0 – 3 UKSport
Thursday 1 March 2012, 1-2pm
Another game and another dreadful start for Birkbeck, with this correspondent once again arriving too late to note the pertinent details of the game’s opening goal. (For the sake of consistency, I’ve also forgotten how the other goals were scored, and anything else that might also have happened in the match). It wasn’t always like this, of course, but the days of me arriving an hour early and delivering excitable pre-match hyperbole to a non-existent camera are now a thing of the past, following several complaints from other teams, parents, children and passers-by.
Anyway, one-nil down after mere minutes, Birkbeck sought to turn the match, and their season, around. But, as you’ll see from the score, they didn’t. In many ways the performance was characteristic of the season so far, in that the team held their own, passed the ball around nicely and generally played quite well but failed to do enough to grind out a positive result.
The score remained at 1-0 for much of the match, with the final goals coming after Birkbeck suffered a double-injury setback - Rich Tacon turned over an ankle and Garmon ap Garth’s face was on the receiving end of a full-blooded clearance. (They wanted to say that they were injured doing something heroic, like saving puppies, or children, but honestly, can it really by said that those things are as honourable as showing commitment to Birkbeck FC out on the pitch? It’s a rhetorical question, but the answer is no).
The match was also notable for the promising debut of new signing Chris Murphy, as well as another chap pressed into service as a substitute whose name I didn’t catch or haven’t bothered to remember, perhaps because he was only down from Sheffield for the day and said he was unlikely to be available for future fixtures. He was quite good at footy though. And also, well played everyone else, you tried your best (certainly much harder than I’ve tried with this report) and good wishes for a speedy recovery to our injured colleagues.
So, with five matches left, it’s safe to say Birkbeck need a win. Followed by two more wins. And maybe another after that. And a draw, perhaps, to be safe.
Monday, 30 January 2012
Birkbeck 1 – 2 CSTM
Match Report
Birkbeck 1 – 2 CSTM
Tuesday 17 January 2012, 12-1pm
How Birkbeck came out of this game with nothing remains a mystery. Equally mysterious, at least to this correspondent, were the events leading up to the game’s opening goal, the details of which cannot be recalled here, save for the fact that it was definitely scored by CSTM at some stage before I arrived at the pitch. Regardless, I’m sure it was a fluke and an injustice and we definitely didn’t deserve it.
Club captain Schmidt cut an agitated figure on the sidelines, having also arrived too late to be included in the starting line-up, and his frustration was compounded as Birkbeck soon conceded a second goal. This time, I was there to witness every detail of the build-up, but in the intervening days between the match and this write-up, I’m afraid I’m unable to reveal little more than the fact the shot was deflected, and it was a little unlucky (and a fluke, and an injustice, and we definitely didn’t deserve it etc).
After some minor tactical wrangling between skipper and manager, Schmidt brought himself on to play in the centre-forward position that once saw him earn Birkbeck’s coveted golden boot. The captain’s enthusiasm at being restored to the apex of the team’s attack was evident, not least when he steamed into a challenge with the CSTM goalkeeper with a little too much gusto. (He was alright, really, and the opposition - a sporting, and good-natured bunch – didn’t make too much of it).
Despite some defensive aberrations, Birkbeck actually played very well in this match, and caused CSTM – the league’s top team – problems throughout. A midfield of Kirkland, Tacon and ap Garth were at the heart of the team’s good work, and Schmidt was proving a handful for the CSTM defence.
During the second half, in particular, a comeback seemed on the cards, but Birkbeck’s bad luck in front of goal continued. With ten minutes to go, ap Garth managed to force the ball into the CSTM net, and Birkbeck poured forward in search of an equaliser. In between a number of decent opportunities, Schmidt let rip with a thumping shot that seemed destined for the back of the net, only for it to cruelly ricochet off the inside of the post and back out again.
Alas, it was not to be. On another day, a draw or even a win might have been possible. Special mention must go to the CSTM goalkeeping academy, as our opponents fielded different goalkeepers in each half, both of whom pulled of a series of fairly blinding saves. Oh, and well played to our boys, too. (It was a fluke, an injustice, we definitely didn't deserve it etc etc etc).
Birkbeck 1 – 2 CSTM
Tuesday 17 January 2012, 12-1pm
How Birkbeck came out of this game with nothing remains a mystery. Equally mysterious, at least to this correspondent, were the events leading up to the game’s opening goal, the details of which cannot be recalled here, save for the fact that it was definitely scored by CSTM at some stage before I arrived at the pitch. Regardless, I’m sure it was a fluke and an injustice and we definitely didn’t deserve it.
Club captain Schmidt cut an agitated figure on the sidelines, having also arrived too late to be included in the starting line-up, and his frustration was compounded as Birkbeck soon conceded a second goal. This time, I was there to witness every detail of the build-up, but in the intervening days between the match and this write-up, I’m afraid I’m unable to reveal little more than the fact the shot was deflected, and it was a little unlucky (and a fluke, and an injustice, and we definitely didn’t deserve it etc).
After some minor tactical wrangling between skipper and manager, Schmidt brought himself on to play in the centre-forward position that once saw him earn Birkbeck’s coveted golden boot. The captain’s enthusiasm at being restored to the apex of the team’s attack was evident, not least when he steamed into a challenge with the CSTM goalkeeper with a little too much gusto. (He was alright, really, and the opposition - a sporting, and good-natured bunch – didn’t make too much of it).
Despite some defensive aberrations, Birkbeck actually played very well in this match, and caused CSTM – the league’s top team – problems throughout. A midfield of Kirkland, Tacon and ap Garth were at the heart of the team’s good work, and Schmidt was proving a handful for the CSTM defence.
During the second half, in particular, a comeback seemed on the cards, but Birkbeck’s bad luck in front of goal continued. With ten minutes to go, ap Garth managed to force the ball into the CSTM net, and Birkbeck poured forward in search of an equaliser. In between a number of decent opportunities, Schmidt let rip with a thumping shot that seemed destined for the back of the net, only for it to cruelly ricochet off the inside of the post and back out again.
Alas, it was not to be. On another day, a draw or even a win might have been possible. Special mention must go to the CSTM goalkeeping academy, as our opponents fielded different goalkeepers in each half, both of whom pulled of a series of fairly blinding saves. Oh, and well played to our boys, too. (It was a fluke, an injustice, we definitely didn't deserve it etc etc etc).
Tuesday, 20 December 2011
Birkbeck 1 - 6 Mediacom
Match Report
Birkbeck 1 - 6 Mediacom
Wednesday 14 December 2011, 1-2pm
Editor's note: thanks to Dave for the match report.
The scoreline flattered the opposition (Come on you’ve used that one before) well technically no as this is a different reporter, still not buying it ok how about this... we was robbed, well actually that’s not entirely accurate either... the point is... it was a funny old game.... ok enough of the clichés and here begins the report.
The game started well, both teams were passing the ball around, but in fairness the opposition handled the ball marginally better in these difficult slick and windy conditions. Fast confident counter attacking moves from the opposition and accurate finishing saw their team nose ahead two-nil by the end of the first half.
During half time Birkbeck were still optimistic that there was still something in the game... and how right we were all for the wrong reasons. Calamitous clearances and disastrous distributions from the 'keeper gifted the opposition a further 3 goals and the match was more or less over before Birkbeck could get going. However at times our passing was good and lead to Walters snatching a well earned consolation goal. But by full time other than the consolation this was one match that... ahem is best forgotten. Some intensive training over Christmas is in order and perhaps the New Year will give us renewed good fortune.
Onwards!!!
Birkbeck 1 - 6 Mediacom
Wednesday 14 December 2011, 1-2pm
Editor's note: thanks to Dave for the match report.
The scoreline flattered the opposition (Come on you’ve used that one before) well technically no as this is a different reporter, still not buying it ok how about this... we was robbed, well actually that’s not entirely accurate either... the point is... it was a funny old game.... ok enough of the clichés and here begins the report.
The game started well, both teams were passing the ball around, but in fairness the opposition handled the ball marginally better in these difficult slick and windy conditions. Fast confident counter attacking moves from the opposition and accurate finishing saw their team nose ahead two-nil by the end of the first half.
During half time Birkbeck were still optimistic that there was still something in the game... and how right we were all for the wrong reasons. Calamitous clearances and disastrous distributions from the 'keeper gifted the opposition a further 3 goals and the match was more or less over before Birkbeck could get going. However at times our passing was good and lead to Walters snatching a well earned consolation goal. But by full time other than the consolation this was one match that... ahem is best forgotten. Some intensive training over Christmas is in order and perhaps the New Year will give us renewed good fortune.
Onwards!!!
Thursday, 17 November 2011
Birkbeck 1-4 ITV3
Match Report
Birkbeck 1-4 ITV3
Wednesday 9 November 2011, 1-2pm
A match that began promisingly for Birkbeck ultimately became a mildly embarrassing defeat. The scoreline flattered the opposition, who took full advantage of the opportunities presented to them in the second half by a weary side throwing men forward in search of a way back into the match.
In truth, Birkbeck should never have found themselves in such a position. They began brightly and took an early lead when Garmon ap Garth found the corner of the net with a sweet shot to finish off a fine attacking move. The lead lasted mere seconds as ITV3, hitherto not having given much indication of being a force to be reckoned with, took advantage of some defensive hesitancy to grab the equaliser.
Undeterred, Birkbeck came back again, and when ap Garth produced an almost identical finish to an almost identical move, the Birkbeck fans (all three of them) were already celebrating a goal almost identical to the first one. Unfortunately, this time it didn’t find the net, instead rocketing off the post and out.
ITV3, though, did produce an identical response to Birkbeck’s attack by snaffling another fortuitous goal to take the lead. While stand-in goalkeeper Pearce, one of only two players to volunteer for the role in Jennings’ absence (the other, Kirkland, later described his offer as ‘an empty gesture’) managed to get to the goalbound shot, it still had sufficient pace to find its way into the net.
Whatever the role played by misfortune, Birkbeck had to face the fact that they were 2-1 down in a game they should have been winning. At the interval, the Birkbeck management concocted a motivational cocktail consisting of 2 parts encouragement juice (Parrott, Throup) and a double-shot of rage (Schmidt), which was chugged down with a grimace before the team returned to the pitch to try and find a way back into the match.
In the time that it took Nduka to arrive for the match he had gone from being top scorer to the joint-top scorer, and he took to the pitch in the second half eager to rectify the situation. Of slightly greater concern was Dr William Ackah’s revelation that he would need to leave before the end, leaving manager Parrott with the unfortunate dilemma of replacing him with either a centre-forward (Scott) or someone who can’t play football (Throup).
ITV3 were cheered on throughout the match by a collection of sharp-looking, pointy-shoed wearing media types, whom one could only assume were the now-defunct ITV1 team, who were withdrawn from the league in order to provide funding for a new series of Dinner Date*. The one exception was a shaven-headed, hoodie-wearing gentleman, who was dressed for football but not in the same kit as the rest of the ITV3 team. Mid-way through the second-half, he was sent onto the field to a chorus of semi-ironic cheers, which immediately identified him as some kind of clownish cult figure, whose every touch of the ball was greeted with some kind of noise or comment.
Not to be outdone, after a nervous exchange of glances on the bench, Birkbeck sent on their own clown as a replacement for Ackah. At this point, the score remained 2-1, with Birkbeck having plenty of attacking pressure but little in the form of clear-cut chances, and with the team getting increasingly desperate, there were gaps at the back for ITV3 to exploit. To be fair, both the third and fourth goals were excellent finishes, with the latter –irritatingly – scored by the opposition’s fan favourite, who ghosted into the box with the aid of his non-matching stealth kit (and, it has to be said, some assistance from a day-dreaming substitute).
So, a second straight defeat for Birkbeck then, and despite some encouraging performances thus far, a win in the next match is looking increasingly necessary.
*Legal Note: This is also an assumption.
Birkbeck 1-4 ITV3
Wednesday 9 November 2011, 1-2pm
A match that began promisingly for Birkbeck ultimately became a mildly embarrassing defeat. The scoreline flattered the opposition, who took full advantage of the opportunities presented to them in the second half by a weary side throwing men forward in search of a way back into the match.
In truth, Birkbeck should never have found themselves in such a position. They began brightly and took an early lead when Garmon ap Garth found the corner of the net with a sweet shot to finish off a fine attacking move. The lead lasted mere seconds as ITV3, hitherto not having given much indication of being a force to be reckoned with, took advantage of some defensive hesitancy to grab the equaliser.
Undeterred, Birkbeck came back again, and when ap Garth produced an almost identical finish to an almost identical move, the Birkbeck fans (all three of them) were already celebrating a goal almost identical to the first one. Unfortunately, this time it didn’t find the net, instead rocketing off the post and out.
ITV3, though, did produce an identical response to Birkbeck’s attack by snaffling another fortuitous goal to take the lead. While stand-in goalkeeper Pearce, one of only two players to volunteer for the role in Jennings’ absence (the other, Kirkland, later described his offer as ‘an empty gesture’) managed to get to the goalbound shot, it still had sufficient pace to find its way into the net.
Whatever the role played by misfortune, Birkbeck had to face the fact that they were 2-1 down in a game they should have been winning. At the interval, the Birkbeck management concocted a motivational cocktail consisting of 2 parts encouragement juice (Parrott, Throup) and a double-shot of rage (Schmidt), which was chugged down with a grimace before the team returned to the pitch to try and find a way back into the match.
In the time that it took Nduka to arrive for the match he had gone from being top scorer to the joint-top scorer, and he took to the pitch in the second half eager to rectify the situation. Of slightly greater concern was Dr William Ackah’s revelation that he would need to leave before the end, leaving manager Parrott with the unfortunate dilemma of replacing him with either a centre-forward (Scott) or someone who can’t play football (Throup).
ITV3 were cheered on throughout the match by a collection of sharp-looking, pointy-shoed wearing media types, whom one could only assume were the now-defunct ITV1 team, who were withdrawn from the league in order to provide funding for a new series of Dinner Date*. The one exception was a shaven-headed, hoodie-wearing gentleman, who was dressed for football but not in the same kit as the rest of the ITV3 team. Mid-way through the second-half, he was sent onto the field to a chorus of semi-ironic cheers, which immediately identified him as some kind of clownish cult figure, whose every touch of the ball was greeted with some kind of noise or comment.
Not to be outdone, after a nervous exchange of glances on the bench, Birkbeck sent on their own clown as a replacement for Ackah. At this point, the score remained 2-1, with Birkbeck having plenty of attacking pressure but little in the form of clear-cut chances, and with the team getting increasingly desperate, there were gaps at the back for ITV3 to exploit. To be fair, both the third and fourth goals were excellent finishes, with the latter –irritatingly – scored by the opposition’s fan favourite, who ghosted into the box with the aid of his non-matching stealth kit (and, it has to be said, some assistance from a day-dreaming substitute).
So, a second straight defeat for Birkbeck then, and despite some encouraging performances thus far, a win in the next match is looking increasingly necessary.
*Legal Note: This is also an assumption.
Friday, 4 November 2011
Birkbeck 1 – 2 Five
Match Report
Birkbeck 1 – 2 Five
Wednesday 2 November 2011, 1-2pm
Or Birkbeck won, five two, as the BBC announcer might put it. Were such a misinterpretation of the scoreline to spread among followers of Birkbeck FC, it would seem an unlikely enough scenario to those familiar with the team’s recent fortunes for them to seek confirmation from an official source before accepting it as fact.
Ridiculous as it may sound, though, Birkbeck created enough chances here to pull off an emphatic victory. That they failed to do so, and ended up losing the game, was down to a combination of factors. Individual mistakes proved costly at the back, while significant attacking pressure brought only the one goal in response.
Without wanting to give away too much tactical information to opposing teams with access to the internet (or jeopardise sales of the forthcoming hardback - How to Substitute Your Captain with a Rugby Tackle: A Manager’s Guide by S. Parrott, available for Christmas from all good bookshops) Birkbeck’s solid start to the season has been based upon a well-organised defence and keeping things tight at the back early on. And so it was here, with Birkbeck matching Five’s every move and looking in little danger, while giving occasional hints of their attacking prowess at the other end. The best (by which I mean, best-remembered - by me) of the first-half chances came when Pearce, playing the first half in a slightly more advanced position, stung the hands of the Five goalkeeper with a long-range shot.
Birkbeck were able to send on club-captain Schmidt and last season’s top-scorer Nduka in the second half, and the general feeling among the technical staff in the dugout (by which I mean Parrott and Throup standing on the touchline with assorted well-wishers) was that a win was perfectly achievable.
Unfortunately, though, Birkbeck conceded two sloppy goals in quick succession. First, a Five attacker found himself in acres of room on the right hand side, and after having an age to line up a shot, somehow managed to scuff one into the net through a crowd of Birkbeck defenders. Minutes later, a lapse of ball control at the back following a Birkbeck corner allowed the Five centre-forward all the time and space he needed to break away and slot home the second goal. (No point playing the name, shame and blame game here, although it’s worth noting the manager’s immortal words, "Thank God Andi was on when they scored their goals, otherwise we’d never have heard the end of it.")
In the darkest days of previous seasons, two goals could often become four, five or six, as heads dropped and tempers were lost, but this time, Birkbeck roused themselves to produce an inspiring attacking performance. Kirkland, again, was everywhere, and was unfortunate not to grab a goal when he hit the crossbar with a dinked finish. Elsewhere, long-range shots, counter-attacking breaks and goalmouth scrambles came thick and fast, but somehow Five managed to escape every time.
Birkbeck could be forgiven for thinking it wouldn’t be their day when Nduka, who had been a thorn in the side of the Five defence throughout the second half, fashioned an unbelievable chance for himself, only to blast high and wide when presented with an open goal (think Fernando Torres’s recent miss at Old Trafford, but recreated as one of Baddiel and Skinner’s Pheonix From the Flames moments).
Still, the striker was on hand to produce a close-range finish when the next opportunity presented itself, setting up a tense final few minutes. Despite their best efforts, though, Birkbeck were unable to force home the equaliser they unarguably deserved.
It was unfortunate that the team’s most potent attacking performance was coupled with their least assured defensive one, but overall, based on this display, the signs look good for the rest of the season (without wishing to jinx us or anything).
Birkbeck 1 – 2 Five
Wednesday 2 November 2011, 1-2pm
Or Birkbeck won, five two, as the BBC announcer might put it. Were such a misinterpretation of the scoreline to spread among followers of Birkbeck FC, it would seem an unlikely enough scenario to those familiar with the team’s recent fortunes for them to seek confirmation from an official source before accepting it as fact.
Ridiculous as it may sound, though, Birkbeck created enough chances here to pull off an emphatic victory. That they failed to do so, and ended up losing the game, was down to a combination of factors. Individual mistakes proved costly at the back, while significant attacking pressure brought only the one goal in response.
Without wanting to give away too much tactical information to opposing teams with access to the internet (or jeopardise sales of the forthcoming hardback - How to Substitute Your Captain with a Rugby Tackle: A Manager’s Guide by S. Parrott, available for Christmas from all good bookshops) Birkbeck’s solid start to the season has been based upon a well-organised defence and keeping things tight at the back early on. And so it was here, with Birkbeck matching Five’s every move and looking in little danger, while giving occasional hints of their attacking prowess at the other end. The best (by which I mean, best-remembered - by me) of the first-half chances came when Pearce, playing the first half in a slightly more advanced position, stung the hands of the Five goalkeeper with a long-range shot.
Birkbeck were able to send on club-captain Schmidt and last season’s top-scorer Nduka in the second half, and the general feeling among the technical staff in the dugout (by which I mean Parrott and Throup standing on the touchline with assorted well-wishers) was that a win was perfectly achievable.
Unfortunately, though, Birkbeck conceded two sloppy goals in quick succession. First, a Five attacker found himself in acres of room on the right hand side, and after having an age to line up a shot, somehow managed to scuff one into the net through a crowd of Birkbeck defenders. Minutes later, a lapse of ball control at the back following a Birkbeck corner allowed the Five centre-forward all the time and space he needed to break away and slot home the second goal. (No point playing the name, shame and blame game here, although it’s worth noting the manager’s immortal words, "Thank God Andi was on when they scored their goals, otherwise we’d never have heard the end of it.")
In the darkest days of previous seasons, two goals could often become four, five or six, as heads dropped and tempers were lost, but this time, Birkbeck roused themselves to produce an inspiring attacking performance. Kirkland, again, was everywhere, and was unfortunate not to grab a goal when he hit the crossbar with a dinked finish. Elsewhere, long-range shots, counter-attacking breaks and goalmouth scrambles came thick and fast, but somehow Five managed to escape every time.
Birkbeck could be forgiven for thinking it wouldn’t be their day when Nduka, who had been a thorn in the side of the Five defence throughout the second half, fashioned an unbelievable chance for himself, only to blast high and wide when presented with an open goal (think Fernando Torres’s recent miss at Old Trafford, but recreated as one of Baddiel and Skinner’s Pheonix From the Flames moments).
Still, the striker was on hand to produce a close-range finish when the next opportunity presented itself, setting up a tense final few minutes. Despite their best efforts, though, Birkbeck were unable to force home the equaliser they unarguably deserved.
It was unfortunate that the team’s most potent attacking performance was coupled with their least assured defensive one, but overall, based on this display, the signs look good for the rest of the season (without wishing to jinx us or anything).
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